If you were meeting the President of the United States, how would you present yourself?
Would you wear worn out sneakers, a baggy shirt, and a wrinkled suit, or would you dress appropriately for the meeting?A first date with a prospective match can leave a lasting impression for both of you, and it is important that you make every effort to ensure that it is a good one. Unlike the President, whom you will likely never meet again, a first date has the possibility to lead to a second date, a third one, and potentially a marriage.

This newsletter will guide you – with dating etiquette and anecdotes – in enhancing your dating experience. While some of these dating tips may seem like common sense, they are all based on real stories given to us from both males and females in shidduchim.

Before we begin with our practical tips, it is important to remember that while we MUST do our hishtadlus, it is HASHEM who arranges every shidduch.
“קשה זווגים קקריאת ים סוף”

Shidduchim are compared to the splitting of the sea.  Everyone is faced with different נסיונות (challenges) in life and no one can compare one’s נסיון to another. Shidduchim is a big נסיון for everyone involved in it.  We have to remember that we cannot rely on any shadchan, friend or neighbor to find our זווג (match); the only One we can rely on, and put our complete trust in, is Hashem.  Anyone who helps us on our journey to find our soulmate is a messenger from Hashem.

Although dating can be challenging, our single years are a very important time to strengthen our emunah and to form a close connection with Hashem; The One Who has it all planned for us.


With the above in mind, we must not forget that we need to put our effort in as well.

One good method of השתדלות (effort) is through networking with others – we never know who may be the שליח (messenger) who puts us together with our zivug hagaon.

When meeting people (no matter who they are) with the intention of networking, we have to remember that the first impression we give really makes a difference; our appearance is important and should not be neglected in any way.


“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
-Andrew Grant

“A good first impression can work wonders.”
-J. K. Rowling


It was a Motzei Shabbos.  I had been feeling under the weather, still reeling from a breakup the previous week, and had little intention of leaving the house.  When a friend called, trying to convince me to accompany her to the pizza store, I unwillingly obliged.  As I was about to head for the door, my mother’s radar went on – apparently a denim skirt and sweatshirt was not an acceptable ensemble for a single girl to wear in public.  My mother’s motto was, “never leave the house without lipstick… you never know who you’re going to see” (find a mother of European descent who wouldn’t agree with that one).

When it seemed I looked decent enough for the outside world, I went into my friend’s car, and off we went.  Since there were no parking spots available, I thought I’d graciously volunteer to wait for her in the car, but her determination to eat in rendered my plan unsuccessful.  As we entered the store, I briefly noticed two guys sitting together, but no thought really registered, as I was in the “I’m taking a break from dating” mode.  The following day, my friend called to inform me that one of the guys sitting at the table knew who she was and reached out to her, asking about the friend she was with that night.

The rest is history.  For years my mother will have the thrill of saying, “I always tell my girls to look good when they leave the house… you never know who you’ll meet.”  I’ll give her credit. That one night he saw me led to a happy marriage.  Don’t underestimate the power of good lipstick and a meddling mother.


We all have a tendency to be influenced by physical appearance.  When you’re on a date, dress to your strengths.  What do you feel you look good in?  What do you feel confident in?  An overall aura of confidence can boost any outfit.  Rather than striving to dress to impress, consider what your clothes, hairstyle and overall appearance say about you.  If you value yourself, then you should take pride with your appearance.

“When I go to a singles’ event, or even out on a date, I try to find an outfit where I look great, and feel like ‘me.’  I always say, there will always be girls who are dressed fancier than me, who are cooler than me, and who will be more attractive than me, but no one can be more “Rivky” than me.  I wear what I feel strong in (obviously I feel the outfit will make a great first impression, as well); I just can’t spend my life trying to outdo someone else.”

“When a man came to my door and was unrecognizable from the photo I saw prior to our date, I was taken aback.  Even after years of first encounters, there are things I still find mind-boggling.  The photo was of a man dressed in a nice clean suit, with an inviting warm smile.  But the man who came to my door was not the man I expected from the photo.  The man at my door appeared washed out and ungroomed, which was very disappointing since I was well dressed and put-together.”


  • First impressions count! Girls, present yourself in a neat and clean manner with hair and makeup done (even if you do it on your own), manicure, and fresh breath!  Ask yourself or others, do I look put together?  Am I utilizing my beauty to my full potential?
    (Also remember that too much makeup can be a turn off).

  • First impressions count! Boys, present yourself in a neat and clean manner with a clean and unwrinkled suit, a haircut, shave, clean kempt nails and fresh breath!  Ask yourself or others, do I look presentable?
    Am I well groomed?

  • Smell nice, but be careful not to use the whole bottle of perfume or cologne!

  • Your car’s upkeep can also leave a strong impression!  Girls notice if your car is clean or messy.  Please make sure your car has a clean smell! When entering your car, check if it is clean and neat.  Does my car have an air freshener?  Does the car need a car wash?  Is there any garbage left on the car floor?  Are there crumbs/other garbage visible on the front or back seats?

  • Impress your date with a pleasant place with a nice ambiance.  

This newsletter is sponsored by Ahuva Schachter, RPA-C.
Thank you to our promotional partner,

Save The Date! is a free, bi-weekly newsletter for singles to provide dating tips, stories and chizuk for men and women in shidduchim.

This newsletter was edited by Aliza Sklar, Libby Pakow and several others who wish to remain anonymous. You can contact us with stories, feedback, dating tips or shidduch event information at shidduchdatingt[email protected].

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