The Worst Dating Advice I Ever Received, By Aleeza Ben Shalom


Even though your best friend or your mom have your best interest at heart, they may not be giving the best advice. Have you received, or worse, acted, on any of these “gems” of dating advice?

Don’t Open the Car Door for Her; It’s Sexist
I love it when my husband opens the car door for me. Taking the time to walk to her side of the car to let her in shows you are being considerate. It makes her feel important. That’s a great thing to convey on a date! Yes, women may want to be independent and not reliant on men, but opening their car door does not infringe on this independence. So guys, the next time you are the driver on a date, walk her to the passenger side and unlock the door. Notice her reaction. If she smiles or says, “Thank you,” you know you are onto something.

Order Her Food
This age-old advice deserves to be put in a treasure chest – and thrown out to sea. When you are deciding what food to order in a restaurant, you know what you like and she knows what she likes. You do you and let her do her. She is more likely to offended by the bravado of ordering for both of you. If the menu is in a foreign language only you understand, this is an opportunity for discussion. Find out what foods she enjoys. Then you can help her order.

Date Many People At Once
Dating many people at once to get through the dating process faster doesn’t work. When you go on a date, you do not want to keep a mental scorecard comparing your date against the others you are dating. Only date one person at a time.

Don’t Reply Right Away
If you found somebody you like and he sends you a text, don’t make him or her wait for your reply. People delay replying to appear busy and important. If s/he contacts you, they are showing you that you are important to them. S/he should not be turned off if you reply quickly. Another reason people might put off replying right away is because they are playing hard to get. Let’s think about that. Playing hard to get is a game to insincerely attract someone who would not be interested in you otherwise. This isn’t the person you want to go out with. When you get a text from the person you are dating, go ahead and reply.

Nice Guys Finish Last
It’s okay to admire the rebels on TV, but that does not mean you have to be like them to impress your date. Be your authentic self so that you can find your authentic soul mate. I once heard a rabbi tell a man, “At the end of the day, a girl wants a husband who is going to treat her well and be able to support her.” That sounds like the description of a “nice guy.”

May we all receive only good advice and may you find the person who is waiting for you.

[Originally posted on]

Aleeza Ben Shalom is a professional dating coach, in-demand speaker, expert, and author of Get Real, Get Married, the guide to “get over hurdles and under the chuppah.” The founder of the company Marriage MindedMentor, which connects singles from around the world with dating coaches, Aleeza and her team guide singles through the steps to become engaged—regardless of age, affiliation, or stage in life. A regularly featured expert in the media, Aleeza’s relationship advice has appeared everywhere from BBC World News, to NPR to to Yated Ne’eman. You may also recognize Aleeza from her appearance in the web series Soon By You or Eli Talks.

Men and women worldwide work with Aleeza to break through patterns and cultivate relationships that lead to marriage. She trains dating coaches and shadchanim and has helped hundreds of singles manifest their soulmate. Aleeza is a dedicated wife and loving mother of 5 children. To learn more visit

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